you have more influence than you think by vanessa bohns

“A simple ask is the simplest form of influence. “We often think that interactions are going much worse in our head, that we’re having much less of an impact than we’d like, than we actually are” (42:30). “Each time I say yes to one thing, I am saying no to something else” (38:45). “Whether it’s a ‘no’ or a ‘yes,’ be mindful about what you agree to” (38:05). “Behavioral contagion is the idea that when we see somebody else doing something, we’re more likely to do it ourselves” (27:20). “If we a trust a source, it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying on many occasions, we just kind of trust because we trust that person” (25:55). “A lot of influence does happen emotionally and unconsciously” (25:50). “Our fears of these negative reactions are so often overblown (22:55). “People respond much more to the emotion and the act of just saying something than they do to the precise words” (19:55). “When we think about how someone else is going to react to something we say… we really focus on how competently we can express ourselves… to the point where we hold back and wind up saying nothing because we can’t find the right words” (19:05). “We’re not very good at telling when someone’s authentic or not, and if we’re hearing what we want to hear we’ll just kind of go with it” (16:30). “Influence comes with responsibility” (11:40). “Influence is also these more intimate moments between just you and one other person” (9:20). “My idea of influence is broader than just leadership” (7:30). “Even as a follower, you have a lot of influence” (7:10). “You don’t have to be a leader in a leadership position to have influence” (7:00). “Influence is any kind of change in another person’s way of thinking, their emotions, their way of seeing things” (6:40). Vanessa had a number of amazing insights during our conversation. She is an expert on help-seeking, social influence, compliance, consent, and why it’s so hard to say no. Vanessa Bohns is a social psychologist, Professor of Organizational Behavior at Cornell University, and author of the book You Have More Influence Than You Think.

You have more influence than you think by vanessa bohns